WHO YOU FEED WILL MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU!
A traditional Native American story features a young Cherokee boy who once became annoyed that another boy had done him some injustice. After returning home, the young boy expressed his frustration to his grandfather. The old Cherokee chief said to his grandson, “I too, at times, have felt a great hatred for those who have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do.
“Hatred wears you down, and hatred does not hurt your enemy. Hatred is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.”
“Hatred wears you down, and hatred does not hurt your enemy. Hatred is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these emotions many times. It’s as though a fight is continuously going on inside me. It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is good and does no harm. He is filled with joy, humility, and kindness. He lives in harmony with everyone around and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so and in the right way. The other wolf is full of anger, envy, regret, greed, and self-pity. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone all the time and for no reason. When blinded by his anger and hatred, he does not have a sound mind. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing. “It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me. These two wolves are constantly fighting to control my spirit. Young man, the same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person on this earth. The grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win inside you, grandpa?”
The old Cherokee chief smiled and replied, “The one I feed.”
Every day we make choices, important choices that could be overlooked, but these choices define who we are. They represent who we choose to be in this life, and determine what impact we will have on the world around us. It’s obviously so much easier to feed the negative wolf, he is there to encourage us down the easier path in life. It’s easier to procrastinate, complain, dismiss, ignore, and give up. There is almost no effort required to do this, and you’re getting the reward with the sensation of relieving and instant gratification without much action. The positive wolf is very different; it’s harder to feed. It’s challenging, tiring and time-consuming to do things like learning, teaching, inspiring, sharing or simply sticking to new behaviours. These things take time, energy, effort, vulnerability, momentum, and bravery, you don’t usually see immediate results.
Which wolf you choose to feed will define who you are, and we all know who we should feed. You see, if you only choose to feed the positive wolf, the negative wolf will be hiding around every corner waiting to hijack you when your distracted or weak and get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and will always fight against the positive wolf. Whether or not it’s your first time hearing this story, it a reminder of the power we have over our experiences and emotions. It’s easy to feel like a victim in challenging situations and circumstances in our lives.
We want to understand our negative thoughts, feelings and experiences, so we place blame on other people, objects, or events. We look outward to try to make sense of what’s going on inside of us. We do this all the time. Why? It’s our way of coping, and feeling more in control of uncontrollable situations. The problem with this approach, however, is that it takes away our personal responsibility and freedom of choice. In our attempt to feel more in control we actually strip ourselves of our own power. That power is lost the moment we become dependent on other people or things to make us feel a certain way. Whether that feeling is positive or negative, we are no longer taking sole responsibility for our own emotions or experiences when we believe that they are a result of anything other than our own choice. By exercising your freedom of choice, you can make a life-changing decision of which wolf you want to feed. Do you feed the wolf who is hungry for anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego? This negative wolf is also your inner critic. The one who tells you that you are a failure, the one who says that no one will love you or understand you for who you are. This wolf is a representation of your depression, your anxiety, and your low self-esteem. Do you want to feed this wolf? Are you feeding him already?
By cutting off his food supply, you will be making a choice to use your energy and resources on thoughts, feeling, and emotions that serve you in healthy ways. While you can recognize the negative emotions occurring within you, you don’t have to attach to them or continue to give them attention. You shifting your focus is a sign to that wolf that you are not interested in giving him food. And while it may take some time for that wolf to lose his strength and power, eventually he will surrender – as will your unhelpful thoughts and emotions. Once you stop fixating on them, they will eventually drift away.
So what about the other wolf? Well it certainly isn’t going to feed itself. Just as you would with the negative wolf, it is key that you exercise your freedom of choice and decide to nourish the positive wolf of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. We often look to external objects for our fulfillment and happiness. We develop expectations that these things will make us feel the way we want to feel. And while this may bring momentary gratification, it isn’t realistic to maintain this long-term.
Happiness isn’t a conditional state. It’s a state of being. True lasting happiness comes from making an active choice to be happy, rather than depending on external things to make you happy.
Happiness isn’t a conditional state. It’s a state of being. True lasting happiness comes from making an active choice to be happy, rather than depending on external things to make you happy. The more that we seek out happiness, and look for it as if it is a treasure we will find, the less we are feeding the wolf that is inside of us. You already have everything you need to be happy because you are whole as you are, right now. The feeling and experience of happiness comes from feeding the positive wolf from within. As he becomes bigger and stronger, he will be better equipped to handle life’s challenges. If you choose to feed only him, he will always win.
Basil Reynolds
Coaching Consultant
Finding the Music Inside